I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
