Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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