Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I skipped work to stalk him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
