Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
