Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
