I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
