This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
