I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
