Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
