That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
