I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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