Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
