Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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