"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
