guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In other news, I just burned my penis
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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