Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
