Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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