Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
