dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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