hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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