My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
