All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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