I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
