Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
