Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
