Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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