You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
