I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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