I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
