Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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