I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
