the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
4 words: hood of his car
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
