I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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