Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
should my penis look like a turkey
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize