Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
