My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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