Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
