Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
