my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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