No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
