i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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