im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
