peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
