I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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