My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize