the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's shark week go big or go home
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
