just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dear god my vagina.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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