You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
