Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize