I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
