She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
