Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
honey bunches of taint.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
