You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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