I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
