Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
from now on my penis is your penis
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
