Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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