about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
