So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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