I'm lost and stupid without you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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