did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
