Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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