can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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