So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
