If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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