your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
