I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
