I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
