This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize